Today, I listened to a CD of Dave Carder at last year’s AACC convention. He is the author of Torn Asunder, a book about affairs. I’ve not seen his newest book, just out in April, is entitled Close Calls. Both available on Amazon.
He presented a talk entitled, “Emerging Trends in Pastoral Infidelity.” He summarized data gleaned from 5 studies between 1987-1998. He continues to collect information that will be out this year.
Here’s some surprises in his data and risk factors:
1. suspected rate of sexual impropriety: about 40% (though this is perceived because of underreporting. Actual reporting number is 21%, though 15% admitted to lying on the surveys)
2. pastors affair partners are now more likely to be outside the church
3. 90% of pastors report being blindsided by the affair–they didn’t see it coming
4. The vast majority of improprieties are never discovered
5. Risk factors increase with:
- History of sexual molestation, family history of infidelity, adolescent promiscuity, learning disabilities/ADHD, female friends with private conversations, conjoint ministry with opposite sex, lingering outside of ministry to share personal matters
- Lower age in conversion to Christianity increases risks
- Higher education increases risks as does increased bible education
- both ministry exhausted and ministry connected pastors
Any of these surprise you?
9 Comments
May 8, 2008 at 7:46 am
Lower age in conversion surprises me a bit. But I can also see how a man (or woman) who grew up in the church could stray, especially in fundie circles.
Some of the folks who come to Christ later in life and then become pastors have already had a chance to sow their wild oats, so to speak. Therefore, they would prefer a total rejection of that lifestyle.
Since the survey says that most of these guys have affairs with people outside the church (almost every pastoral affair I’ve heard of has been within the church), it would be interesting to know if the other individual involved in the affair knew his or her lover was a pastor.
My guess is that the partners don’t know. Sleeping with a pastor is akin to thinking about your grandparents having sex–gross.
May 8, 2008 at 12:47 pm
Question: was this speaker asserting a causal relationship between lower age at conversion and vulnerability to temptation to have an affair? Or was he simply noting a correlation in the stats? I would have liked to hear something more about the factor that John Eldredge points out repeatedly in his body of work: the man of God (whether a pastor or not, but I would imagine particularly when he is a pastor) is under conspicuous lethal attack from demons to ruin credibility, bring him into idolatry, and ultimately mar the glory of God. I think other points of vulnerability are exploited to this end. Of course the world and the flesh are in on the attack as well, but I don’t think any of these men were simply weakened, vulnerable men wandering along, randomly encountering the temptation to have an affair.
May 8, 2008 at 1:43 pm
Scott, correlational relationships for sure. Amy may be right in regards to why that might be. Some friends I have who converted as adults struggle with a completely different set of temptations than those who were born into Christianity.
No doubt Satan is prowling and looking to destroy christian leaders. Of course, that is not something that will show up in surveying pastors about their habits.
May 8, 2008 at 8:48 pm
Yeah, survey question: “What percentage distribution would you attribute to your marital infidelity over the following causal categories? a) Satan b) the World c) the Flesh”
May 11, 2008 at 1:20 pm
isn’t option a), b), and c) the same?
May 11, 2008 at 7:15 pm
Interesting theological question, so here’s where my thinking is going on that subject these days. Satan was around prior to the existence of either the sarx (flesh) or the kosmos (world). The sarx came into existence in mankind after the Fall, and it was not created by Satan (as he is a created being himself, and has no creative powers), but it was vulnerable to be influenced by him. Mix vulnerable humans with active demons, and you come up with a massively sinful milieu that is both influenced by sin, and contributes to its perpetuation. I don’t believe they’re the same thing, and I don’t believe that Satan necessarily has absolute dominion over the other two; he’s a pawn amongst them in a larger story, under the sovereignty of God. What would happen if Satan were removed from the equation? Revelation 19 gives us some insight. After Christ returns and subdues the forces of war on the planet, He binds Satan for the duration of his wedding feast (1000 years). Many theologians presume that those who survived Armageddon, who are not welcome guests at the wedding feast, continue to live and carry on with life outside of the Kingdom and the feast for it’s duration. Under the rule of Christ on earth during this time, the “rod of iron” seems to keep the flesh and the world in relative control. It’s not until Satan is loosed once again at the end of the feast that the forces of the world are once again rallied to rebel against the rule of the Lamb and make war with Him. I find it interesting that the sarx and the kosmos were not wiped out during the Millennium, but simply not as severely provoked. I don’t believe that an unprovoked sarx/kosmos duo result in righteous living, but merely living somewhat less bent on continuous evil. So, no I don’t think they are all the same. I think they’re distinct elements which seem to work in harmony to mar the image of God in mankind, and blaspheme the glory of God in general.
May 13, 2008 at 10:20 am
I’m a bit surprised by the numbers. I can’t see 40% of my fellow Presbyters having affairs. I know it happens. It just happened recently- and in this case the ‘partner’ was outside of the church.
On the flip side, I’ve seen some cases where people know, including the spouse and leaders, but they choose to do nothing out of fear.
When I think of the various guys I knew from seminary who’ve been tripped up by various sexual sins: 1. I’m saddened and shocked, 2. I know there are more yet to be discovered, 3. I know this temptation is common to all, so I’m not immune.
Did these surveys take into account the types of churches they serve? Ron Sider lumped all Christians together in assessing sexual sin in the church. But the rate on incidence was lower for confessional churches.
I would expect the rates to be higher for mainline/liberal denominations and fundamentalist churches. But that doesn’t mean confessional churches & Christians are immune.
May 13, 2008 at 11:58 am
The 40% number is an impression. The actual number is lower. Oh, that 40% is for impropriety which is a larger category than adultery and affair. It could be inappropriate sexualized activities (talk about sexual matters in a flirtatious way, talking about sexual feelings under the guise of honesty, inappropriate hugging, etc) with another person.
May 21, 2008 at 8:16 am
Even amongst the minority reported, the details are covered over, so that most congregants don’t know what goes on in their own church. Why, when these transgressions occur, are they explained away as a pastor having become “weak in the flesh”, when pastors who have affairs tend to repeat this conduct over and over?
In other words, the majority are not penitent, and do it, amongst other reasons, because they can keep getting away with it.