A friend of mine who is a former Baptist minister and is now a Christian counselor, specializes in working with women who have been molested by their clergy (she is the one who treated my wife). She assures me that it is far more prevalent than anyone suspects, and that ministers are reluctant to admit that there is a problem. Therapeutic rapport is, by definition, a two-way street. The article and blog only mention one side of the issue. How many cases of “parishioner infatuation” are actually “rejected pastor infatuation?”

To be fair, I know that I’m biased towards the subject, given my loyalty to both my wife and my friend, and their experiences. Doesn’t necessarily make me wrong, though.

I’d love to see your source for the #s of counselors having sex with their clients, if your source is handy; I’m having a hard time finding anything reliable.

On an off note: “Just shows that education, while important, won’t stop us from our baser instincts.” So what does this say about abstinence-only training ?

Cheers!

The article and thus the blog entry was about parishioner infatuation so I stuck to that content. But you are right that there can be the problem of pastors becoming infatuated with parishioners. It is especially likely when the pastor entertains fantasies of hero-worship. I have counseled more than one who got involved with a member under the guise of being the man who would treat the woman right for the first time in her life. He wants to be a hero and ends up deceiving himself that his “love” is different from others.
There is training about this in my seminary. Can’t speak for others. I suspect it isn’t as frequent as grad psych programs which is a sad thing. Funny, despite the overwhelming education in grad psych programs, the numbers of counselors having sex with clients isn’t decreasing. Just shows that education, while important, won’t stop us from our baser instincts.

Agreed. My wife, in her previous marriage, was sexually molested by her pastor, and after it was discovered, was harrassed out of the church by the pastor, the pastor’s wife, the board members, her husband, and the other church members. They all agreed that she had led the pastor on and was the instrument of his fall from grace (hmm, I wonder where they got that idea from?).

I noticed that nowhere in the article, and barely hinted at in the above blog, about the problem of clergy becoming infatuated with their parishioners. As this is one the most common client complaints in the counseling profession, it it dealt harshly and directly by both state law and professional licensing boards, as well as discussed at length at all well-run graduate and doctorate counseling programs.

I am aware of no such equivalent training or emphasis in any of the various religious or theological training programs, boards, etc. Can you illuminate?

And yet, God does call for folks to be leaders of his church. Note that it should be leaders and not leader. There will likely be one with seniority (wisdom and skill, not merely age).

Rob, good point that it isn’t just pastors that have to be wary of infatuation.